Monday, October 14, 2013

Stuff I need to say

Awesome Weekends are awesome.
I'm pretty sure, nobody's surprised by that statement, but I felt like pointing it out.
A little background:

Some time ago, me and my best friend slightly drifted away from each other, caused by some stupid stuff, that didn't even concern any of us directly.
Sad, but it happens.
So when I visited her over the weekend, we talked everything through (plus everything else that felt wrong or might could have caused this) and not even worked it out, but also realized again, that every fear of loosing the other, getting less important or replaced is complete and utter bullshit.

It may sound weird, but I'm feeling whole again. Whatever was missing, it's back where it belongs.
We've been taking care of each other for years, loosing that would be devastating.
Then I received a call last night. My wonderful soon-to-be room-mate and my amazing ex-girlfriend were having some fun, but realized they were missing me and felt the urge to tell me about it.
This made me pretty happy, but it also made me think:
Since my best friend moved to another town, I was restless and uneasy. I kept getting into trouble because I had nobody to calm me down. Then I was introduced to my now soon-to-be room-mate, who took it upon her to look out for me and keep me steady. I've been told multiple times now, that I made some remarkable, positive developments over the course of the last year, which is basically thanks to her.
My ex was the first person who actually was able to give me the feeling of being loved. She also forgave me for not being able to treat her the way she'd deserved it and is still working on making me stop tormenting myself out of guilt and shame. She not only forgave me my mistakes, but is still convinced that I'm a far better person then I'd ever imagine.
I thought about those three wonderful women and how much they're having a positive impact on my life.
I thought about their significant others and how cool they are with the fact how much space I take in the lives of the women they love (and with the fact that I threatend to skin them with a rusty blade,if they ever hurt those women).
Special Kudos to my Ex's man for that, from what I've been told, most guys would turn into stupid, jealous idiots, if their woman would still hang out with her ex on a regular base.

I thought about my internet-friends,who take their time to cheer up a guy on the other end of the world, even though they never met him (or only once). A bunch of amazing people who were either originally crusading... wait... that's not how it's called anymore,is it?
Anyway, that's when we met and I've grown very fond of her and she's always able to cheer me up, even if I sometimes think, she's trying to sneak-preach to me. And I love even that.
For the others... Well, I guess it started with me being a random guy who kept randomly commenting on thoughts they shared on Twitter. But again, These guys and gals turned into what I'd actually consider pretty good friends, even though I normally discuss less serious business with the guys. That's something that was always easier with women (and even then it's hard enough).
I'm thankful to my US-ladiesfor constantly cheering me up, no matter what's bothering them or how much they're fighting their own downs.
I also thought about my best and oldest friend, who's been keeping m in line for 18 years now, even when he could't be physically present, because he moved to France.
See, I met this guy back in second grade and we got along pretty well (Back then, I wasn't that hard to be around). He always had to talent to act as calm anchor to troublesome old me. It was only when he left, that I realized how important this friendship was to me. Long story short: My grades dropped in an alarming rate and I alienated myself moreand more from other and basically became an asshole.Luckily, I soon met my female best friend, who managed to regulate the process very well, together with the previously mentioned ex.
But whenever I reflect my life, I have to realize that everything good that happened, everybody wonderful person I met or was introduced to, all that was made possible by him. I pick anything that makes me happy and look back on the chain of events that led me there -things I've done, that caught my interest in something or that made people introduce me to somebody who later took an important role in my life- and it is always somehow linked to him. I wonder if he is actually aware of that. I also wonder, if he even has the slightest idea what it meant to me, when he said he wants me to be his best man in a few years.
Eh, he probably does. After all, he knows me like nobody else does.

Anyway, right now, I have no idea how I sometimes feel lonely. I have such amazing friends to back me up.
And god help everyone who dares hurting them. It's true, I tend to be a little overprotective when it comes to my lady-friends, but I don't care. Hurting those who a close to me is a berserk-button, that should actually be listed on TV-Tropes, because the level of blind rage that gets triggered by doing so, even scares those who are listed above.

Another sad part about friendship is how fragile they can be sometimes. Looking back, I realize that there are a lot of people, who I just don't talk to anymore. Some left, sometimes we just got different interests over the years and some - not many, but a few- just didn't fit in my life anymore.
Speaking honestly, I have to say that sometimes I miss them, but most of the time I don't really think of them anymore.

So, what is the message I'm trying to carry out here?
I think it is, that good friends, who are always there for you, no matter what's going on or what you did, should be treasured. When I look at those I listed, they seem to be many. But when I compare them to those, I've lost over the years or to the sheer mass of people, I couldn't get along to begin with, I realize how lucky I actually am to have that many amazing friends.

If you got people like that, keep them close, cherish them and do whatever it takes to protect them.

RestlessEntity Out.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

What's a Geek?

Yup, I'm still alive. I know, I became pretty lazy when it comes to writing, but in my defense: I had to fight off an evil writer's blockade. Now it's gone , but I stumbled upon a new problem: I don't like my writing style anymore.

And that was when I decided to revive the blog. After all, if I keep working, I should be able to regain my drive, right?
Anyway, I'll try to get on a regular schedule (bwahahaha),at least until I'm ready to get back some other projects which might steal some more time so that I'll have change my schedule here again and... well, at least I'll make sue not to make one-year-break or some crap like that again.
Anyway, today's topic are some thoughts on geekery.
See, there was this little discussion in a facebook-group if geek-culture should stay exclusive or if it should be more included in the mainstream-community.
Even though generally think classification to be stupid, I actually got curious: what exactly defines a geek?
If somebody would ask me if I'm a geek, I'd probably say yes, but if I”m completely honest, I never though about what actually makes me a geek. My love for comics or games? Some would say that makes me a nerd. Hell, I'm sure there are people who thinks, geeks and nerds are the same.
Let's face it, terms like 'Geek', 'Nerd' or 'Dork' got pretty mixed up during the last years. That means research-time (and maybe two future topics). 
'Dear Internet, would you please tell me what exactly defines a geek?'
Ok,opening Google, insert 'geek', hit search aaand... well, fuck me sideways, that's a lot of hits.
New search, this time adding 'definition' to the search-parameter. 
Ah, that's better. A definition right on the head of the page, then some dictionaries. So let's check out the first five hits: The Google-definition, Wikipedia,Urban Dictionary, The Merriam-Webster Dictionary and the Thesaurus.
Since I love my definitions plain and simple, let's start with Google's page-header. By the look of it, I'd say it's also taken from a dictionary, but I don't know which one.
Huh. I have to say, I'm not happy about this.
“unfaishonable or socially inept”. Does that mean, if you feel confident around other people, you'e not a geek? That sounds stupid. And don't make me even start about 'unfashionable'. What does even make someone fashionable (And here's another possible future topic)?
“eccentric devotion to a particular interest” seems like something I can accept, but the example computer-geek seems to narrowing it down to a fringe group, which make it dissatisfying. But then again, a proper research never contains only one source, so let's check out what Wikipedia has to say about it.
Of course I'm aware that Wikipedia isn't the most credible source since basically everyone can fool around with it. But let's give it a chance.
Oh that's nice, the page informs me,that the entry has some issues.
Anyway, according to Wikipedia, geek is “a slang term originally used to describe odd or non-mainstream-people”, ranging from “expert or enthusiast” to someone “heavily interested in a hobby” but is mostly used pejorative for a “peculiar or otherwise dislikable person, especially one who is perceived to be overly intelectual.”
So.. it's basically description for someone with special interests and a great knowledge about it, but it gets also disgraced as an insult for people who are jealous about others being more
being more intelligent?
Wait,the article goes on. Let's see.
The Term is also used in a proud way as a self-reference, so it gained the additional meaning of “someone who is interested in a subject for its own sake.”
What else do we have?
The definition-section basically tells us that there is no clear defintion and that there are many categories of geeks, poviding us with the most commonly know categories: science, math, history, computer, gaming.
The Impact of geeks on society isn't exactly what I'm looking for, and I'm not interested in fashion,so the “geek-chic'-section isn't that helpful either (except if you want to know more about geek-glasses and hipster-glasses and that proud self-proclaimed geeks dislike geek-chic fashion.) NEXT.
The Urban Dictionary says ...A LOT. Like always, there are a lot of definitions, so I just take a look at the first page and sum it up.

This one made me smile.

One of the entries notes that Geek should not be confused with Nerd. And points out that only a geek would waste on the internet, defining geek on
Another one goes back to the historical meaning of circus freaks and states that it know describes someone getting paid to do work that's 'consodered odd or bizarre by mainstream society'.
There's also a note that -unlike 'nerd' which is always used devaluating – it often carries a positive connotation when it's used by someone who's part of the group and is only used in an insulting manner by outsiders (uhm... isn't that almost everytime how it works?)
Another Entry tries to compare normies,geeks,nerds and dorks. Interestingly, this is the first time that it's actually stated that geeks are what's considered 'socially normal' and just are experts on certain topics.
I really like the next entry: It clearifies, that geeks aren't computer people, but simply posses a very dep understanding about of certain topics, because they are basically obsessed with it. It also points out, that beeing a geek isn't restricted to certain topics, but open for everything (and lists music and cars to make this point). I like that.
Then we go back to the usual judgemental crap like lack of participation in sports, interest in computers, crude sense of humor and negative attitude toward common society. BLAH.
Time for a cross-reference with some more serious dicitionaries.
Merriam-Webster gives us the usual historical definition with the carnival performers, follows up with 'a person often of an intellectual bent who is disliked and finishes with an enthusiast or expert, but takes again the the clichee-route, using computers as example.
Thesaurus actually dissappoints me by simply saying 'odd person' and 'computer expert' and adding some judging synonyms.
Since the definitions are not really clear, I decided to ask someone for help, who gets often connected with the term geek and actually owns his fame to that connection. So I wrote an email to the Internet-celibrity Brentalfloss to ask him for his definition of a geek.
A few hours later, I got an email with the following definition:
“Geek= someone who's enthusiastic and analytical about a certain topic. You can be a sci-fi geek or a flamingo geek or a muscle car geek (as opposed to a nerd, who is called a nerd because he or she is into something nerdy).”

There are a two things I really like about this definition:
  1. it's plain and simple.
  2. It offers examples, that prove the general clichees to be narrow-minded.
Of course, If we think of the apparently brain-damaged sportsfanatics who kept picking on us -well, on some of us- back in school, calling us geeks in the process, I doubt they would have been happy, if we'd told them, that they are too geeks in their own way.
So maybe not everyone who qualifies for being a geek wants to bee a geek.
But I suppose that's the same for every subculture: In order to be part of it, you have to match certain criteria and one of them is feeling like you're part of it.
In Order to be a geek, you need to be passionate about whatever you like, but also need to admit, that you're a geek.
And why not? Being a geek is a fantastical thing: It's your permission to be utterly obssessed with something, know everything regarding it, freak out at the most trivial news about it -and enjoy all this. And do you know, what's even better? You don't even need the permission – you're a geek,that's what you do.
So, back to the original question: Should geekdom be included in mainstream-society or should it be an exclusive thing: I don't really think that we can influence that directly. As long, as society keeps it judgemental ways, we'll always be exclusive. As long as an adult getting excited about a kids-show gets looked down on, we're something special. As long as people even care about a difference between a comic-book and a graphic novel, as long as people think, there is something wrong about obsessing about a topic, 'outing' yourself as a geek will make you different.
And You know what? That's perfectly fine. I don't care what others think about it, I love being a geek.
Sure, I'm not that good at science and anything technically more advanced then a string telephone might confuse me just by doing what it does, but there are topics I know a lot about, actually enough to annoy everyone around me without repeating myself. And I'm proud of it. I like it. And I love meeting people who are as obsessed about it as I am.
What some people consider geekdom getting assimilated by mainstream-culture is the so called 'geek-chic' I tried ignoring earlier. People try to pose as geeks by wearing certain clothes or accesoires. Does wearing a Metal Gear-Shirt or using a TARDIS-bag to carry my things make me a geek? Does Having A Sonic-Screwdriver, A Pipboy-Bobblehead or an Assassins Creed-Statue make me a geek? No, it just shows that I'm a fan.

Bottom-line: Geekdom should stay exclusive, because that's not actually a proof of torlerance within society. But geek-purists can relax, because it's all about the attitude.

RestlessEntity out.

Thanks to BrentalFloss for providing me with a proper, acceptable definition.
Follow him on Youtube ( ) and on Twitter ( @brentalfloss ).